I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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