Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
