It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
