Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
