She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
