Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
