Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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