we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
