went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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