Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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