she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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