she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
