What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
