If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
