Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
