Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
