I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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