I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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