I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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