the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
