I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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