I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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