tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I can't turn off my feet"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
