White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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