"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
