hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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