my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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