There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
These tits shall not be calmed
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
