Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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