woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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