Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
