Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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