singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
