he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
the raccoons are back...
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