Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
