phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
