Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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