And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
