That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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