you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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