I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
