At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
