you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
