Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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