my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
