I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
