He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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