Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
