Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
that is very illegal...i love you.
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