I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
