I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
