Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
