o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
even my farts smell like vagina
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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