It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
