at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
