i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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