I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
