chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
