this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
