she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
this hospital has no fireball
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
