Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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