I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Green mimosas i think yes
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
