ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
