It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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