he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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