Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
