my mouth tastes like poor choices
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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