Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
